Saturday, April 30, 2005


Hey look, a meme! Hey look, a meme started by Ogre...there must be an ulterior motive. Yes, there is, he is tracking to see how far it will go.

Gee, I see I started this answer 10 days ago...well, I may be the last to answer, but at least I finished.

Following there is a list of 18 different occupations. Select at least 5 of them (or more) and answer. You may add more professions to the list if you like before you pass it on.

For example, if the selected occupation was "farmer" you might take the phrase "If I could be a farmer..." and add to it "I would raise llamas and give them away to children who didn't have any pets." See how easy that is? Here's the list:

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a veterinarian…
If I could be a pilot…

If I could be a llama-rider, I’d find out all about Ogre's secret army!

If I could be a librarian, I’d never get any work done. I’d be on a permanent reading break!

If I could be an athlete, I would be wearing the gold at the Olympics for gymnastics.

If I could be a chef, I’d be VERY fat!

If I could be a scientist, I’d invent calorie-free chocolate and make millions!

If I could be an architect, I’d buy some land and build the house of my dreams!

If I could be a pilot, I’d be flying (literally and figuratively) in 7th heaven!

If I could be a veterinarian, I’d bring half of the animals home with me!

If I could be a cowgirl, I'd ride all the handsome cowboys!

If I could be a professor, all the handsome young studs would really have to work for their As!

I am passing this on to _Jon of "We Swear" - just to see if he'll swear at me for even daring to challenge him. (I know he's really probably too busy to pick up the gauntlet, but one never knows...)

Thursday, April 28, 2005


According to Beloved Husband, who wanted to fix all my problems last night, the above two items are the only things you need to solve all the world's problems. (If its stuck, you use WD40, if it won't stick, you use duct tape.)

Personally, I would go for a hammer. If I can't fix it with the hammer, I can pound the hell out of it and then just go buy a new one.

What would be your favorite tool? (Sorry, I think quote pen is still with Tammi...) :)

Monday, April 25, 2005


Things Stressed Women Say at Work

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.

2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

3. Well this day was a total waste of makeup.

4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?

5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.

6. Do I look like a people person?

7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless
acts of self-control? (MY FAVORITE!)

11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

15. Stress is what you have when you wake up screaming and you realize you
haven't gone to sleep yet.

16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.

17. Don't worry, I forgot your name too.

18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.

19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

21. Chaos, panic and work here is done.

22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?

24. Earth is full. Go home.

25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?

26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.

29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

30. Look in my you see one ounce of gives-a-shit.

Dear Abby

Dear Abby:

My husband is not happy with my mood swings. The
other day, he bought me a mood ring so he would be
able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood
it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a
big fucking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time
he'll buy me a diamond.

Bitchy in Boston

Friday, April 22, 2005


I am so pissed. I rarely have something happen to me that I just have to vent, but I just did. And Beloved Husband is not home for me to rant and rave at, so you get my full wrath.

I just got home from our local grocery store, which has a liquor store attached to it. It is the cheapest and closest grocery store to our house so we use it - a lot. This store does NOT take credit cards, and only recently started taking debit cards. It does take checks.

I, being short of cash, grabbed $5.00 in quarters from our change jar before I left. Beloved Husband always has the checkbook so that's not an option for me.

I was going to the liquor store to pick up a bottle of champagne. As I mentioned in the last blog, we are going to IN to visit Blake of Laughing Wolf, and we have a hotel room with a jacuzzi! (Thus, the champagne.)

First, I walked into the liquor store. It was semi-crowded and they had two check outs going, which is very unusual for them. (Normally, no matter how many people are waiting in line, there is only one check-out person.) It was 4:00pm so not afterwork hours yet, so I was a little surprised to see that many people.

Almost immediately, a nice older gentleman who worked there caught my eye and asked me what I was looking for. He showed me to my product, and also mentioned some other similar wines/champagnes that I might want to try sometime. I was very impressed, as usually there are just young punks working there, not someone who actually seemed to be a semi-connoisseur.

Everything going great so far...

Now, I get to the check out. As I mentioned, they previously had two lines going, but now were down to one lane again. I was approximately the third person down the line so I got my money ready. I had $5.00 in bills and my $5.00 in cash. When I got ready to pay the "young punk", I told him, "Okay, I'm going to be giving you a lot of change." Without blinking an eye, he informed me that they usually only accepted change if it was rolled!

I was so flabbergasted, all I could do was look at him and mumble "Oh." As he was counting the quarters (mind you, simple quarters, not dimes or nickels, and I had the exact change), I asked him, "How much change? Like $2.00?" He replied, "Probably anything over a couple dollars. It just slows down the line." "Remember that for the future."

I was going to slow them down??!! ME??!!

How about the little old ladies with their plum wines and checkbooks??

How about you put in a credit card machine for my convenience that I can just slide my card through and you don't have to do the simple math?

Oh, don't worry buddy, there won't be a "future" at your liquor store! I will spend the extra dollars and just buy any liquor I want at the local gas station.


..we want to go and play with Blake and the wolves.

That's right, Mr. Bad Example and I are going to visit Blake of Laughing Wolf and visit his Wolf Park that he often blogs about this weekend. Of course, it was gorgeous last weekend, but today and tomorrow, its supposed to rain and drop about 20 degrees.

I guess on the good side, that makes the pups more energetic. However, I anticipate being cold and getting very muddy. Still, I'm very excited. Hopefully, I will get some good pictures of the wolves and of the Laughing Wolf, himself.

So expect light blogging this weekend from Bad Example and Smiling Dynamite. Try and have fun without us!

I'll think of y'all when I'm howling at the moon with the wolves! :)


..we want to go and play with Blake and the wolves.

That's right, Mr. Bad Example and I are going to visit Blake of Laughing Wolf and visit his Wolf Park that he often blogs about this weekend. Of course, it was gorgeous last weekend, but today and tomorrow, its supposed to rain and drop about 20 degrees.

I guess on the good side, that makes the pups more energetic. However, I anticipate being cold and getting very muddy. Still, I'm very excited. Hopefully, I will get some good pictures of the wolves and of the Laughing Wolf, himself.

So expect light blogging this weekend from Bad Example and Smiling Dynamite. Try and have fun without us!

I'll think of y'all when I'm howling at the moon with the wolves! :)

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


Oh, poor Jake the Pony Dog. We've finally pushed him over the edge. I think we've called him "pony-dog" and saddled him up so often, he's developed a split personality!

Last night, when I was asleep in bed I awoke to the sounds of Jake dreaming. He sounded very confused. First I would hear a high-pitched dog "Woof"; that was followed by (I swear) what sounded like a horse bray. This is what it sounded like. (This sound is actually called a "horse grunt"!)

He did this numerous times! It was hilarious.

Does anyone know the name of a good dog psychologist???


The "Mighty Quote Pen" (or at least an imitation of it) emerged at the Chicago get together last month. Although inferior to the original writing utensil, I did manage to pick up a few pearls at the extravaganza. I stand witness to the following statements:

"Mmmmmm, pom-poms" Harvey of Bad Example

"My first attempt at sex…" Eric of Straight White Guy

"It was just all about position…" Eric

"I had some kinky positions!" Eric

"Just in case, I carry a tape measure to make sure!" Tammi of Road Warrior Survival

Hmmm, notice a common theme? There were actually EIGHT people at this shindig!

Eric is definitely one "chatty" guy! He tends to monopolize all the discussions going on. That's okay, Eric, at least you're not boring; you're just 'loquacious'! But, please, work on your jokes!

Sunday, April 17, 2005


Me! Me! Me!

Okay, maybe not a millionaire, but I'm seriously looking at trying to increase my earning potential and job possibilities by obtaining a 2 year technical degree in computers. I have a throw-away 4 year degree in International Studies from 15 years ago, which has done zilch for me so it is time to move on.

After getting some guidance from _Jon of We Swear (thank-you so much Jon!), I have narrowed the field down to computer networking. However, I just realized that was only the beginning of my questions.

So I'm going to "phone-a-friend" (or all my friends in the great blogosphere) for some help. I know many of you are wise in the ways of computer careers and would love to get your input. (I know I will probably have to do more research myself, but I thought with your help, I could narrow the field a little.)

After looking at one tech college pamphlet, I couldn't believe the prices!

First - what are some of the more cost effective computer tech colleges? (Preferably in the southern Wisconsin to northern IL area.)

What are some of the better computer tech colleges?

Can you actually do a computer tech degree "on-line"? I would think some of the work would have to be hands on. Or can you do a combination of the two?

Any word to the wise for a "returning student"?

Anybody know which colleges are more friendly about transferring credits from a previous school?

If you would like to email me with a suggestion or two, send it to "".

Okay, your time starts...NOW...

Saturday, April 16, 2005


So, as I was perusing the on-line TV guide listings to see what I could possibly view during the hated 30 minutes of cardio I need to do at the health club, I came upon this show....


I don't know about you guys, but I'm thinking someone had his head somewhere else when they came up with the title for that show! I can only imagine where the producer's "head" was!


This is a "feel-good" post. At least for cat lovers. If you're not, just stop reading now and move on...

This story is approximately a year old, but is just making the rounds now. The 3rd Brigade Combat Team, "Hammer", adopted a cute tabby cat over in Iraq. He went through everything with these men, mortar and artillery attacks, served as camp counselor and bedside nurse, and was on constant mice patrol. He was promoted to PFC.

When the unit learned it was to be shipped home, Fort Carson Staff Sgt. Rick Bousfield decided they could not leave one of their team members behind. He worked with many animal groups to get the tabby back to the US.

Over $2500 dollars later, the cat (aptly named "Hammer") now lives in the Bousfield household, along with 4 other cats, a dog, 2 geckos, and hamsters.

To read the entire story, go here.

Sunday, April 10, 2005


I have to say I am absolutely floored! You guys (and girls) ROCK!

Thanks to all of you in this wonderful blogosphere, I have had the best anniversary ever. I (we) have never received such a warm outpouring of love and comradeship. We both "thank-you " from the bottom of our hearts for all your great posts and all your well-wishes on our 6th wedding anniversary.

I could never list everyone to thank-you, I would be here all week. The list is that long. However, Beloved Husband (Mr. Bad Example) has provided many of the trackbacks at his website. So if you're are interested those are all here. Again, I cannot believe how many witty, wonderful writers we have out there!

The gifts were wonderful, too! I did have to let Oddybobo of Bobo Blogger know of the dangers of her gift. Apparently, the candy in the candy underwear can get wedged in the lock mechanism of the handcuffs, thus resulting in handcuffs which must be opened with a tool of some sort. I finally found a buzz saw thingy in the basement and was able to release Beloved Husband today so he could put up a few posts. Its amazing how adaptable he is to typing with that big bandage wrapped around his hand!


Thursday, April 07, 2005


Did you ever wonder what A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, H stand for in bra sizes?

Here is the scoop:
{A} Almost Boobs...

{B} Barely there.

{C} Can't Complain!

{D} Dang!

{DD} Double Dang!


{F} Fake.

{G} Get a Reduction.

{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up.

Now you know, helping to keep the masses informed...that's me!

Tuesday, April 05, 2005


Some sage advice for would-be tanners. Do not...I repeat DO NOT be the last person in (around 9:30pm) to tan at your local health club on the day that offers 'free tanning'.

**ESPECIALLY, if said club only has 4 tanning booths for approximately 2000 members.**

It was not pretty. Ferociously hot, with all the left over fumes of previous burnt skin and sweat, and a fan blowing the hot air right on top of you.

I seriously thought I might pass out. I felt I was walking in the snow shoes of poor Frosty, and the curled shoes of the Wicked Witch of the West when they melted....At least the Wicked Witch had water.

Ah, what we do in the name of vanity.


My tanning trauma inspired a haiku dedicated to Frosty the Snowman:

Hot, Steam, Sweat slides off my skin

Drip, Drop, I'm melting.

Left - Wet Pools of Nothingness

Monday, April 04, 2005


So now that they seem to have gotten rid of some of the riff raff on the show, "The Apprentice", who do you think will be the final winner?

I'm pulling for Tana. Yes, good old "Manga" girl!

Also, she is a Mary Kay lady. I have total respect for Mary Kay consultants. I was one …BRIEFLY. It really helps if you can differentiate between colors when you are trying to sell make-up. I have nothing on Beloved Husband in the color-blindness area.

However, what I DID learn was they get great training in customer service. They NEED it, as I have always liked their products, but I do think they were and still are a little pricey. What MK customers really pay for is the customer service.

**INTERRUPT: SHAMELESS PLUG: I still have lots of products on my shelves if anyone is looking for some of the older products/shades. I usually sell them 30-50% off retail.**

And what Mary Kay Ash did for females in the business industry is incredible! You will never find such strong, dynamic, and intelligent women as you will at a Mary Kay seminar. (Okay, maybe at a Bad Example family reunion), but that's the ONLY other place.

Trump hasn't picked a female yet as the grand winner, its time for the other gender to step up!

So I'm all about Tana. You go girl!

Saturday, April 02, 2005


According to Teresa of Technicalities and Is It Just Me, its Ogre's birthday this month. Since Ogre, by his own admission, still has no living, breathing woman in his life, I have picked up a little present for him.

Image Hosted by

Now don't eat her! (Well, you know what I mean! Get your minds out of the gutter!)


I would LIKE to say that Ogre of Ogres Politics & Views graciously answered my interview questions; but he didn't. First he had to rant and rave (as Ogres do) (and also infantile children).

After getting all of that off of his chest, he did finally answer the questions - sort of - here. Quite a hilarious post, even if he did skirt some of the questions. At least he didn't let any of his llamas spit on the questions!


Went to Chicago on Tuesday to meet with fellow bloggers for fun and food. Would you believe a gnome followed our car all the way to the restaurant!

Well, since he was persistent enough to make it through the hideous Chicago traffic, we brought inside and dumped him off on Laughing Wolf. Laughing Wolf and the gnome were inseparable all evening.

Also there was Eric - Straight White Guy, AKA Pool Shark. He wiped out me, Harvey - Mr Bad Example, Tammi - Road Warrior Survival and Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks. Apparently, Eric has a 9X5 table at home so he just picked us off easily, while practicing trick shots. Eric and I then joined forces and disposed of two males who dared to take us on. (Eric did most of the work; I just sat around and looked pretty.) Eric, we WILL be making it down for one of your Thursday pool nights, but not before we get a little practice time in!

Graumagus AKA the gray wizard had magical powers for making beer disappear right in front of our eyes. He reminded me of a slightly life size gnome himself.

Laughing Wolf I believe has been hanging around his wolf den a little too long. From some of his stories, his mating habits are quite intriguing! But you will have to ask him about that. He was a lot of fun and we hope to make it down to meet see his wolf park this April sometime.

Mattie of Blackfive was the native of Chicago, who pretty much organized this adventure. I was impressed with his knowledge and love of his hometown. Most people nowadays are always negative about the places they live, but Mattie truly loves the windy city. He also loves his kids and had a cute picture in his wallet of little Blackfive, which he handed around for us all to see.

I go to meet T1G of Drunken Wisdom. He was friendly, but a little quiet. I think since he hasn't been blogging, not only his fingers have gotten slower, but also his vocal cords! However, we enjoyed having him there and don't think we scared him TOO much!

Of course, my favorites Tammi and Teresa of Technicalties were there. It seems much longer than just a month ago when we were in TammiWorld. It was great to see them again and get BIG hugs.

Tammi brought an inferior quote pen with her. The original I believe was still in FL. I have a few quotes from our little get together; that will be another future blog.

Laughing Wolf was live blogging towards the end of evening. When I got home at 4:00 in the morning, I plopped in front of the computer to read what he had written. I also was "FIRST" in the comments, but my comment mysteriously disappeared later in the day. I think the gnome is already magically messing with his blog!

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